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Dr. John J. Murphy Psychologist and Hypnotherapist | Beverly Hills, CA |
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The human body operates in such a way that a vast majority of our bodily functions happen in an involuntary manner. In other words, we don't know most of what is going on in our body. We don't think about digesting breakfast, or making hormones, or figuring out when we need to use the restroom. There's a part of our brain that controls all these functions for us and just lets us know when to do what by sending us feelings, urges, and memories. In other words, there's a program that tells us when to eat, breath quickly, blink, yawn (sorry), and feel excited.
One of these programs exists to let us know when we need to be concerned, be anxious, or be scared. That's why when you see a cougar while hiking, you don't have to decide to be scared witless; it happens automatically.
This part of our mind that has all these programs is commonly referred to as the 'sub-conscious' by the psychological community. Here, in my model, I like to refer to it as your secret service agent.
Let's pretend that each one of us has a part of our mind that works like a Secret Service Agent. Suppose I'm hiking, and I'm thinking about my hometown, or what's for dinner, or maybe I'm talking with a friend. As soon as I see that mountain lion, my Secret Service Agent takes over. That part of my consciousness alerts me, and I feel anxiety. I either freeze, grab a rock, run, or yell. Once I'm safe, the Secret Service Agent goes back into the depths of my psyche, and I'm free to enjoy the rest of my day, assuming I don't require a change of underwear.
There are three rules that the secret service agent lives by. Understanding these rules is an essential step in using hypnotherapy to achieve lasting change.
Remember how the Eastern tribe always listened to their parents? The Eastern tribe also always listened to their Secret Service Agent. They survived. We're all a product of that tribe. That is why when you see a mountain lion, you will become scared, unless your Secret Service Agent knows in advance it's okay (i.e. you're at a zoo, you have a gun, the mountain lion is running away from you, the mountain lion is stuffed on display at a museum). If you ever saw a mountain lion ready to attack you and you decided that you were going to remain calm as it mauled you, you would fail. In a battle between your will ("I think I'll stay calm") and your sub-conscious/Secret Service Agent ("we have to run or we'll die"), the desires of the secret service agent always trump the will. Otherwise the human species would have gone extinct long ago.
Now, of course, it's is a bit more complicated than that because we are social creatures. Let's say there were two other tribes: Northern and Southern tribes. The members of the Northern tribe only cared about their own existence. The members of the Southern tribe cared about their own existence and the existence of others. The Northern tribe would soon die out because their kids would not be taken care of. Meanwhile, if something bad happens to one member in the Southern tribe, the other members of that tribe will provide assistance, knowing that their efforts will be reciprocated. Again, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. The Southern tribe does well, grows bigger, and we are all now products of the Southern tribe. That's why people will risk their lives to help others and have very strong attachments to children.
The sub-conscious stores all of those ancient programs that helped us survive and pass on our genes: the program to help our children, the program to help others catch food, the program to feel thirsty when there's not enough water. The secret service agent is a part of the sub-conscious that deals with protecting you from threats of harm. It's M.O. is anxiety, and, by and large, it is this secret service agent that runs the show in our lives. If the Secret Service Agent feels that you should fear all snakes and you (the conscious you, the one reading this text) feel that you should not have a fear of snakes, will then, congratulations, you have a fear of snakes. The Secret Service Agent will provide all the anxiety and fear it takes to simply overpower the will.
Let's suppose there is a couple: Laura and Jim and Laura and Jim are not interested in having children, only enjoying each others company. Indeed, Laura had her tubes tide. Why, then, are Laura and Jim interested in having sex, enjoy sex, and are attracted to each other based on physical appearance? These all seem to be directly involved in having children, which neither apparently want. The answer is, we all have ancient programs designed to be attracted to that which enables us to bear young. That is why we feel attraction based mostly upon having healthy children and being able to provide for them, even if having children isn't involved in the equation at all. This is also why a homosexual male will be attracted to another homosexual male based upon the ability of the target male to have children[4], which doesn't make any sense. This also explains why men, both straight and gay, will pick the attractive-yet-shallow person and women tend to pick the strong jerk. The man may be an asshole, but he can do a good job protecting her and her kids. Even if this is objectively un-true in today's world, there's still that ancient program that operates this way. In the ancient world, the strong jerk was better at protecting the girl from other people and predators than the 'nice guy,' and girls who were attracted to the strong jerk were more likely to survive and have children who survived than the girls attracted to the nice guy.
As we can see, this program of mate selection has some real faults in modern times. But back in the stone age, it worked quite well. Likewise, our current list of common phobias—fear of snakes, spiders, loss of control, social situations, makes little sense nowadays, yet worked quite well in the past. What this boils down to is the sad, simple fact of life that a majority of our sub-conscious mind is stuck in the stone age.
The Secret Service Agent is designed to protect us. Unfortunately, it's not particularly proficient in modern facts-of-life. It doesn't understand that we have nothing to fear of snakes or flying. It doesn't understand that there is no risk of running out of food or that smoking is unhealthy. It only understands that Mom freaked out when she saw a snake years ago, or that a huge plane crash occurred three years ago. The Secret Service Agent doesn't really understand statistics—statistics have only been around a few hundred years. Statistics are the realm of the modern, conscious mind.
Consider smoking. If their exists inside of us a program designed to protect us from harm, shouldn't that program care most about cigarettes? Shouldn't we all have nicophobia, a fear of smoking? Ah, but the Secret Service Agent doesn't understand the concept of 'cancer' or the idea that each cigarette takes a few minutes off your life. Those concepts would be foreign to any cave man and his psyche. Our ancient psyche does, however, understand the need to relax. The need to be 'cool' and accepted around peers. Peers who, if they don't like you, might just reject you. And then, who's going to help you when you need to hunt?
So we combine rule one with rule two. On a conscious level, you want to quit smoking. On a sub-conscious level, smoking means you have social support and a chance to relax. The modern concept of slight, statistical degradation of health vs. the ancient concept of social belonging and relaxation. The sub-conscious will generally win. The secret service agent, in doing what he thinks is best, will generate the anxiety so that the conscious mind eventually lights the next cigarette. But it's not all bad news...
Suppose you (your conscious self) wants to fly. Wants to be able to travel in an airplane. Your Secret Service Agents believes that if you fly you'll give up control and giving up control is bad. So it delivers anxiety whenever you think of flying.
Now, is this Secret Service Agent trying to hurt you? Nope. Quite the contrary: it's there to help you, to protect you. The problem is rule number 2—it doesn't realize you're living in the modern world.
Here's another analogy Let's pretend your job is to protect the Queen of England. You're paid thousands of dollars each week to protect her and nothing is more important than her survival. You are her Secret Service Agent. She wants to fly to some strange country in the middle of Africa. You really have no idea about the relative safety of counties in Africa. Is the country safe? Dangerous? Do they love her or want to kidnap her [5]? You don't know. What would you do? Probably keep her from flying. Hold her back. Are you doing this to hurt her? Harm her? No! You just want to protect her.
Now, let's pretend the Queen of England turns to you and says, "the place I want to go to is very secure, they all love me there, all the world leaders go there and are perfectly safe—I myself have been there not 5 years ago and they loved me and nothings changed." All of a sudden, you would have no problem letting her go.
Our own Secret Service Agent works the same way. Let's say as a child, Ruth saw her mother run scared from a garden snake. The ancient program of 'be afraid of what scares your parents' kicks in and, thanks to rule number 2, Ruth has a fear of snakes. Maybe as an adult Ruth even tried to approach a snake aquarium one day in a pet store but, thanks to rule number 1, she lost her nerve. Ruth's secret service agent honestly believes that any snake —even a garden snake that is objectively harmless— is a threat. However, if there was a way Ruth could communicate with her Secret Service Agent, that part of her mind would gladly oblige her request, and she would steadily feel better about snakes.
The only problem then, is how to communicate with that Secret Service Agent. Even when the pet shop employee tells Ruth the snake is safe, that it couldn't hurt her if it wanted to, Ruth's secret service agent doesn't listen, doesn't understand. Even when Ruth herself tells herself – over and over again – "don't worry, it's just a harmless snake," the Secret Service Agent doesn't seem to listen. There has to be a way, a means, to communicate between Ruth and her Secret Service Agent.
Hypnosis provides that communication.