Emotional Freedom Starts Here

Dr. John J. Murphy Psychologist and Hypnotherapist

8730 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 418 Beverly Hills, CA

free hit counters

Negative Self-Esteem

Recent research has linked low self-esteem with a variety of issues, ranging from depression, to anxiety, to phobias, and relationship issues. My specialty is on the relationship between the last two, though I’ve worked on all four areas. My doctoral thesis was on the relationship between global self-esteem and fear of flying. I’ve been teaching courses on boosting self-esteem to improve relationships. In essence, self-esteem is the sense of self-worth we have for ourselves and our abilities.

What makes self-esteem so important?

Let’s say you’re out hiking and you see a mountain lion. You want to hike and explore and reach the top but there’s a pretty big obstacle in your way. Your amount of self-esteem will dictate whether you run away or whether you face the mountain lion. If you feel strong (i.e. you have a loaded gun) or you feel protected (you have a group of heavily-armed army rangers there to protect you) this translates into high self-esteem. You’ll likely feel less anxious and more inclined to keep hiking. If you don’t feel strong or protected, you’ll probably want to run away.

This works the same way with many areas of our lives. Let’s say you want to start going to auditions but are afraid of rejection. If you believe that you’re not going to do well or that bad things will happen if you’re rejected (i.e. you’re not protected), you’ll feel anxious. Both sets of beliefs are tied to low self-esteem. In other words, if you see yourself as weak and unprotected, you’ll naturally feel anxious, reserved, depressed, and hesitant.

Can self-esteem be improved?

Yes, self-esteem can be improved. Generally, we underestimate how strong we are and we overestimate how bad things will be. Unlike the mountain lion example, you won’t get hurt if you bomb an audition; but though years of habit, we’ve learned to be our own worst critic and to assume the worst of situations.

Through a focus on cognitive techniques and hypnotherapy, self-esteem can be improved. The emphasis is not on making positive self-esteem but rather reducing the impact of negative memories and negative beliefs that contribute to negative self-esteem. In other words, our primary focus is on feeling less weak. This tends to naturally lead you to feel stronger and more capable.

How does this apply to relationships?

Often, those with a low self-esteem tend to become victims in a relationship. Sometimes low self-esteem translates into neediness, moving too quickly, an inability to commit, or an inability to let go. It tends to show up time after time, leading to relationship issues that sprout up in each different relationship.

The ultimate goal in a relationship is to project a sense of confidence. That sense of confidence often leads to greater respect, which is often the key to a successful relationship. This applies pretty much equally regardless of sex or orientation.

What can I expect?

Sessions devoted to self-esteem are typically split into two. The first segment focuses on using cognitive techniques to catch and refute those negative statements that lead to low self-esteem (i.e. I’m too weak/untalented/unattractive). The second segment focuses on guided imagery and hypnotherapy to train the thought processes to face whatever tasks are at hand with grace and confidence.

The sessions won’t bring about an instant cure but you should notice a difference after the first session. And each additional session should bring a sense of progress and improvement.

Most people leave the office not necessarily feeling better about themselves but feeling less bad about themselves and more relaxed.

Curious? If you have any questions or would like to get in contact with me, feel free to visit this page to get in touch with me.